How Hard Is It to Forgive, And What Can We Do About it?

How Hard Is It to Forgive, And What Can We Do About

How hard is it for you to forgive and forget? Do you ever find yourself harboring negative feelings about someone’s actions long after the fact? If you’re like most of us (or at least me!), the answer is probably “yes.”

We all have moments when we struggle to let go of grudges, resentments, and hurt feelings. It’s human nature.

The Jewish Day of Atonement, known as Yom Kippur is an excellent time to explore the theme of forgiveness, a concept articulated so deeply by the great Jewish philosopher and scholar, Rabbi Moses Maimonides (Rambam).

In his teachings, Rambam outlined four crucial steps to forgiveness. Wether you are Jewish or not, forgiveness is needed for all, right? Let’s dive into it and see how we, too, embrace forgiveness. And if not embrace, at least give it a shot!

Step 1: Recognition
You know that feeling when you’ve been wronged, and it gnaws at you, festering like a splinter in your mind? Yeah, it’s tough. But the first step towards letting go of that negativity is recognition. It’s about acknowledging the wrongs we’ve committed and the wrongs we’ve suffered. So, let’s get practical:

Tip 1: Find yourself a quiet spot. Seriously, grab some alone time. Think about the actions that have hurt you or the actions you’ve taken that hurt others. Write them down if it helps – sometimes, seeing it on paper makes it real.
Tip 2: Now comes the challenging part. Reach out to those involved. Apologize if you’ve wronged someone, or if you’ve been wronged, communicate your feelings honestly but respectfully. It’s like shining a light on those dusty corners of your mind.

Step 2: Remorse
It’s not just about saying you’re sorry; it’s about genuinely feeling it deep down. Ever wondered how to cultivate that kind of remorse?
Tip 3: Empathy is your friend here. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Understand their pain, their perspective. Imagine how they felt when you hurt them, and let that feeling sink in. It’s like a mirror reflecting back the pain you’ve caused.
Tip 4: Now, let’s turn that remorse into action. Do something good for someone. Acts of kindness and charity are like soul cleansers. They help you connect with others and express your remorse through positive deeds.

Step 3: Ceasing the Wrongful Behavior
Recognizing and regretting your wrongs is a good start, but it’s not enough. The next step is to put a stop to that hurtful behavior.
Tip 5: Create an action plan. Identify the specific behaviors that need to change. Break it down into manageable steps. It’s like GPS for personal growth.
Tip 6: Stay accountable. Check your progress regularly, and if you slip up, don’t beat yourself up. Adjust your course, learn from your mistakes, and keep moving forward.

Step 4: Asking for Forgiveness
Finally, let’s talk about seeking forgiveness from others. This can be the most challenging step, but it’s essential for healing and growth.
Tip 7: Timing is everything. Choose the right moment to approach the person you’ve wronged or who has wronged you. Make sure they’re open to a conversation. In Jewish life the time is now. Can you find a few sacred moments to do just that?
Tip 8: When you do talk, be humble and sincere. Express your regret, ask for forgiveness directly, and listen to their perspective. It’s like mending a bridge that was once broken.

We all have an opportunity to work on forgiveness, and it starts with these steps. Recognize, feel remorse, stop the hurtful behavior, and seek forgiveness sincerely.

These actions strengthen our connections with others and bring us closer to spiritual growth and reconciliation.

So, how about it? Are you ready to take these steps towards letting go of those grudges and finding forgiveness in your heart? I know it is easier said than done. I get you. And I can tell you from personal experience that holding that grudge is simply not worth it. Why? Because you will think about it much more than the other person will. Why will you allow a grudge or a hurt feeling to live “rent free” in your brain, robbing you from restful nights? Do it for yourself if nothing else!

Forgiveness is a journey worth taking, and it all begins with recognition and a willingness to grow and enjoy better life and rich wellness. I believe in you!

As always,
Be Yourself, Be Positive, Be the Champion you want to see!