“Dorice, How can we handle challenging situations with people who have not attended Positive Intelligence training?”
That was a question I was asked last week as I led a group of 14 leaders from HP!Who does NOT want to know how to handle challenging situations with challenging people whether they have taken the training or not ?– NO ONE.
Over 900 participants from HP chose to engage in the very first Positive Intelligence training cohort the company offered. What a gift Hewlett Packard is providing its employees- the gift of Mental Fitness! And I am super lucky to be approached by Positive Intelligence company to serve as one of the 5 fortunate coaches to get the opportunity to serve the leaders.
I was so impressed by this question for several reasons, one being that the Positive Intelligence practice IS absorb in such a deep way for those who choose to engage in it.
Would you be interested in learning how to handle challenging situations with challenging people? If so, this newsletter is for you.
When I shared this question with another coach, the first thought expressed was – WE CAN’T change anybody else but us!
While this is true, I was searching deeper, because so many are not part of the Positive Intelligence world. Here are a few tips and remedies for you to consider if you find yourself in this bind.
1. Be aware of your own judgment. Thoughts such as “they are wrong, they are being so negative, they are mistaken…” may not be productive and can actually create the opposite effect. In other words, don’t let other people actions activate your own saboteurs. The way to begin achieving this is to first create the awareness on our end. Pause when you feel triggered. Do PQ (focus on breathing, hearing, sensing, touching, seeing) so you can remain or move into your sage brain. In other words, do not get activated because of their behavior/actions/language and so on.
2. Understand the Contagion affect. Some people may know it as the mirroring effect. If a person is strong in their saboteur and they are dominant, they can take others down. Have you ever been in a meeting where you came in in good mood and there was one person who is taking the group down? Or, visa versa, you come into a meeting not in the best of moods but someone present in the meeting just picked you up with their positive energy? That is the effect that we can have on people. We can all elevate people up, or bring people down. Choose what effect you want to have on others, and develop mental fitness to sustain it. Oh, I know it is hard, believe me! Many a times I wanted to throw my hands up in defeat….and when I thought of it longer, what I really wanted is to have a more peaceful, loving, calm existence.
3. Be laser focused on what you want to achieve and communicate it without judgement. Connect yourself to the outcome YOU want to achieve, and your reasons for it.
4. Find the 10% that they are right. Every challenging conversation offers us some room to grow. Where can you grow in empathy? Understanding? Curiosity in exploring other solutions? Exploring other solutions?
5. Speak about your own experience. If you do engage with PI, share your learning and be the example to others. They will be more open to it when they see how it affects you! Not pressuring others, just personalizing it and modeling our own progress and change. We ARE an example to others, whether they are your children, your partner, your colleagues.
7. Accept or Convert. Sometimes nothing we do will change a situation. Learn to accept that this is the present situation and move on. The reality is that somethings will not change. Let. It. Go. If, on the other hand, you choose convert, it can be done in two different ways. We can either convert the situation to situation more desired or we convert our feelings about the situation. How? By finding the hidden gift and opportunity. What strength do you need to grow in order to handle this challenging situation? What knowledge? What are you inspired to do moving forward?
I do not joke when I say -Be the example you want to see in this world. Our world needs you. Now more than ever. Be the SAGE!
Until next time, As always,
Be Yourself, Be Positive, Be the Champion you want to see!