Rebecca and Her Controller Saboteur

December 8, 2021 by Dorice Horenstein

Rebecca and Her Controller Saboteur

When I read stories from the Torah (the first five books of the Bible), I always try to glean messages that inspire me in my own life’s journey and also help others with whom I am connected to benefit from centuries-old wisdom. These timeless teachings often hold lessons we can apply today—especially in areas like mental fitness, emotional clarity, and even work-life balance. One such lesson comes from Rebecca’s story, which powerfully illustrates the impact of the Controller Saboteur in both ancient and modern life.

Why Rebecca's Story Still Matters

This week I could be speaking about a lot of topics. I could talk about Jacob buying the firstborn right and then stealing the blessing; I could talk about Isaac and his gullibility in not realizing that Jacob is pretending to be Esau. So many good nuggets, and right now I want to focus on Rebecca, the mother of two children, and what we can learn about her through the lens of Positive Intelligence.

In the Positive Intelligence framework, one of the most disruptive mental patterns is the Controller Saboteur—a voice that compels us to take charge, fix things, and control outcomes, often out of fear or perceived responsibility. You can read more about the Controller Saboteur on the Positive Intelligence website.

The Impact of Judgment and Control

Right from the start it says that she loved one child more. In a Positive Intelligence lens, we talk about the universal master saboteur, the judge. Rebecca judged one son more favorably than the other. Her husband Isaac exhibited the same behavior. Unfortunately, the implication ran deep beyond the parents’ relationship to the relationship between the children.

In today’s world, we know that our children have different strengths and personalities. The same is true for people we work with, and the teams we lead. Recognizing this can help us build stronger, more connected environments.

Rebecca’s Controller Saboteur took over when she:

Everyone has unique strengths.
Different personalities bring different value.
Favoritism undermines unity and trust.
Strong teams embrace differences.
Balanced leadership fosters emotional resilience.

“Indicating and showing favoritism can only lead to separation.”

Outcome: A short-term win that led to a long-term wound.

Rebecca’s Controller Saboteur in Action

As the story evolved, Rebecca overheard her husband’s wish to bless Esau—and she took control. As confident, decisive, and persistent as she was, she allowed her Controller Saboteur to run the show.

She orchestrated an episode where she dressed Jacob to deceive his blind father and prepared a meal to complete the ruse.

This is an example of how control, when led by fear or urgency, can cause self-sabotage. A short-term win—yet a long-term wound.

Common signs of the Controller Saboteur:

Overheard Isaac’s plan to bless Esau
Orchestrated a deceptive plan
Dressed Jacob to imitate Esau
Cooked a meal tailored to Isaac’s taste
Directed Jacob to deceive his father

Consequences of a Controlling Mindset

The Controller Saboteur is one of nine saboteurs identified by Shirzad Chamine in the Positive Intelligence program. It’s especially common in driven leaders, entrepreneurs, and parents.

Once Esau learns of the deceit, he vows to kill Jacob. Rebecca’s actions—though she loved him most—forced her to send him away. She never sees him again

That’s the cost of the Controller Saboteur: leadership without mindfulness often creates emotional distance and damage.

The Modern Controller Saboteur

Those of us with the Controller Saboteur are often go-getters. We get things done—but when our need for control comes from anxiety or perfectionism, the result is stress, friction, and eventual burnout.

Common signs of the Controller Saboteur:

A need to micromanage.
Discomfort when not in control.
Believing “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.”
Difficulty trusting others to take the lead.
Burnout from over-responsibility.

Where Does the Controller Saboteur Come From?

Shirzad Chamine notes that the Controller Saboteur often originates from childhood experiences—growing up fast, taking care of others, or observing controlling behaviors in the home. Rebecca may have learned from her brother. Many of us inherit the same mental patterns.

And when unchecked, they show up in work, relationships, and team dynamics—leading to more stress and less joy.

Childhood responsibilities that forced early independence.
Exposure to controlling role models.
Survival mechanisms turned into habits.”
Reward systems based on performance. .
Fear of failure or chaos.

So What Can We Do?

How to begin intercepting the Controller Saboteur:

Awareness: Notice your mental triggers.
Pause: Take a breath before reacting.
Label: Recognize “This is my Controller Saboteur speaking.”
Choose: Shift toward empathy, trust, and collaboration.
Repeat: Make it a daily practice.

If you struggle to do this on your own, reach out. Support is available.

Outcome: A short-term win that led to a long-term wound.

Childhood responsibilities that forced early independence.
Exposure to controlling role models.
Survival mechanisms turned into habits.”
Reward systems based on performance. .
Fear of failure or chaos.

What is the Controller Saboteur?

The Controller Saboteur is one of nine mental saboteurs identified in the Positive Intelligence framework. It shows up as the urge to take charge, control outcomes, and push others—usually driven by anxiety, not calm leadership.

How does Rebecca’s story show the Controller Saboteur in action?

Rebecca tries to control the situation by orchestrating a plan for Jacob to receive the blessing. Her intention came from love, but the action led to long-term pain—highlighting how this saboteur can sabotage even well-meaning efforts.

Can someone overcome their Controller Saboteur?

Yes. The first step is awareness. With practice, coaching, and tools from Positive Intelligence, you can intercept the saboteur and respond from your wiser, calmer self.

What is Positive Intelligence?

Positive Intelligence is a mental fitness framework developed by Shirzad Chamine. It helps individuals recognize self-sabotaging patterns and build “sage” mental muscles like empathy, curiosity, and calm clarity.

Where does the Controller Saboteur usually come from?

It often stems from childhood experiences—such as growing up too fast, needing to be in control, or observing controlling behaviors in family dynamics.

Let’s Talk

If this message resonates with you, let’s connect.

Dorice Horenstein

Dorice Horenstein, renowned as the “Oy to Joy” International Champion Catalyst Speaker, transforms Disconnection to Engagment and tactics into practical strategies! As a Positive Intelligence expert and best-selling author of Moments of the Heart: Four Relationships Everyone Should Have to Live Wholeheartedly, Dorice energizes and motivates global audiences to uncover their inner champions. With a background in educational leadership, she has made the world her platform, fostering positive cultures by empowering individuals to overcome challenges, build resilience, and find joy, leading to personal and professional growth.

Dorice is a dynamic speaker whose energy and charisma have a global impact. Her core superpower is her ability to present, train, and coach effectively. She redefines “T.E.A.M.” as “Together Everyone’s Attributes are Magnified,” inspiring others to recognize their strengths, enhance effectiveness, and joyfully step into their destined leadership roles. Her mission is to cultivate healthy, positive relationships that reduce stress, increase retention rates, and create a more positive culture both at work and at home.